Clearing the Secret-ion

Okay. There's a book out. Saw it on Oprah. Now, usually, my reaction to Oprah is to throw a tantrum and tell her, through the T.V. , to STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. After all, she's not my mommy. (Mental note to self: Clear my summer schedule for whatever books Oprah tells me to read.)

Anyhow, my relationship with T.V. Oprah is complex and perhaps slightly psychotic, but occasionally I get sucked in. On one such occasion, they were talking about a book. (A "fabuloussssss" book according to Ms. Winfrey. Kinda creepy how she stretches words out like that.) The book is The Secret by some whacked out Australian woman who may or may not be crazy with a "K." (Guess which one I think. Heh heh.)

Now, the book. It basically says that you can have ANYTHING you want if you know "THE SECRET." (Creepy echo ensues.) For those who don't wanna know this, heed the following SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! Still with me? Good. THE SECRET is....should I really be telling you this? I mean, it might ruin things. I don't wanna ruin things. I mean, I'm not the kind of guy who....(SMACK!) OK, having just slapped myself silly, the Secret is that you can have anything, literally ANYTHING, if you think about having it a lot. It's called the "LAW OF ATTRACTION." (Once again, the creepy echo. Where is that coming from? Weird.) To distill things further, the essence of this is that if you lose ALL touch with reality and slap a crazy-ass (my favorite adjective) grin on your face while obsessing over that 55 Gallon tub'o Cheez Whiz at Costco, eventually, and I do mean EVENTUALLY, you'll be up to your ear hair in Cheez Whiz. (Really gross image. I apologize on behalf of the Editor.) Now, the only thing between you and your industrial sized barrel'o cheesiness is the slightest negative thought. Hmmmm. Can anyone say "hyper vigilance" and "OCD"?

Alright. Ya got me. I'm not a fan. This kind of message can lead people to a delusional sense of life and entitlement. C'mon, do you really NEED 55 Gallons of Cheez Whiz or 50 Gajillion Dollars or that guy/gal from the Bowflex commercials? The real "secret" to attain happiness is to realize the blessings and small miracles already present in our lives. If we're all honest with ourselves, the good in our lives far exceeds the bad. It's only when we lose perspective that we REALLY REALLY NEED the Playboy Mansion, Bill Gates' checking account, a bacon-wrapped Dove Bar or that gardener guy on Desperate Housewives. (Personally, I think that Teri Hatcher is H O T.) Live in the real world of small miracles and everything else is icing. If you NEED this book, go ahead and get it. It might make a good door stop. Otherwise, we already have what we need to be happy. It's all within.